At three in the morning, River's snoring rumbled like a miniature leaf blower. I crouched in the corner of the kitchen, using the faint blue glow of the range hood as my only light, and unfolded the introductory volume of Basic Talisman Arts — the reward the System had granted me. On the yellowed pages, the drawing diagram for the "Fire-Summoning Talisman" was so crooked it looked like a mangled tadpole, with a note beside it reading: Requires cinnabar and yellow talisman paper. Trace the runes with spiritual energy to invoke the fire energies of heaven and earth.

"Cinnabar? Yellow talisman paper? Where am I supposed to find those in the middle of the night?" I jabbed at the page and turned to mutter at the bronze ring on my finger. "Hey, old man — all I've got in this kitchen is dark soy sauce and paper towels. Think we can make do?"

The System elder's holographic projection snapped into existence with a pop. He was wearing cartoon pajamas printed with the slogan "Foundation Establishment Is Fun," and cradling a bowl of Kang Shuai Fu mushroom braised chicken flavour instant noodles. "Moron! Drawing talismans with soy sauce — what, you want your talismans to come pre-seasoned? Tomorrow Jade Lin won't even need to add condiments when she stir-fries shredded potatoes!"

"Just work with what you've got," I said, pulling out a roll of paper towels and dipping a chopstick into the soy sauce, copying the patterns from the diagram. The moment I channelled spiritual energy down to the tip of the chopstick, the dark soy sauce reacted as if it had been scalded — bleeding across the paper towel in a massive blotch that looked like a flattened octopus.

System Notice: Drawing failed! Spiritual energy concentration too high; soy sauce over-spread. Current talisman effect: "Soy Sauce Splatter Talisman."

"Soy Sauce Splatter Talisman my ass!" I was so furious I nearly flung the chopstick across the room. My hand gave a jerk and the soy sauce on the chopstick flicked onto the wall, leaving a long, wobbly arc. Even more baffling: the arc actually began to radiate heat, and the wall let out a sizzle as a wisp of white smoke curled up.

"See that?! I told you not to mess around!" The elder splashed a scoop of noodle broth onto the back of my hand. "Wipe it clean with spiritual energy right now, or tomorrow your wife will use your skull as a spatula!"

I frantically channelled spiritual energy, trying to draw the soy sauce stain back off the wall. Instead, the energy veered wildly off course — the roll of paper towels detonated with a bang, and a cloud of shredded paper soaked in soy sauce plastered itself across my face. River, who had materialised in the kitchen doorway at some unknown point, raised his Ultraman toy and stared at me. "Daddy, are you practising to fight the Prey Octopus Monster?"

At first grey light, Jade Lin walked into the kitchen wearing her apron, ready to fry an egg for River. I hastily shoved the paper towels and soy sauce on top of the fridge, then pretended to study the refrigerator's instruction manual with great concentration.

"Ethan Lu, were you sneaking around in the kitchen again last night?" Jade Lin pointed at the scorched mark on the wall. "What is this soy sauce stain? Don't tell me you got hungry at midnight and tried to eat the wall like a flatbread."

"This… this is a new type of wall décor!" I kept my expression perfectly composed. "Abstract Soy Sauce Art is trending right now. You wouldn't understand."

Jade Lin rolled her eyes and turned on the gas stove, tipping oil into the wok. I seized the opportunity to slip out to the balcony, drew my Wave-Breaker Blade, and decided to practise sword-qi fire control — but the moment I aimed the blade at the wok, the System suddenly blared: "Host's spiritual energy detected as turbulent — resonating with kitchen fire energy!"

"What resonance?" I hadn't even processed the warning when the Wave-Breaker Blade fired a beam of blue light, hitting the scallions in the oil with pinpoint accuracy. Sizzle — the oil splattered like fireworks. Worse still, scraps of paper towel I hadn't cleaned up from the night before drifted into the wok and instantly ignited into a small but lively tongue of flame.

"Fire!" River screamed and threw himself behind Jade Lin. Jade Lin snatched up the wok lid and slammed it down. In a panic I tried to draw a "Fire-Extinguishing Talisman" — but my hand slipped and instead I scrawled a crooked rune on the lid in the leftover soy sauce.

System Notice: Talisman activated! Current effect: "Fire Enhancement Talisman."

Whump. The flames beneath the lid surged upward with savage enthusiasm, setting the range hood filter alight. Thick black smoke billowed out in rolling waves, choking both River and me into coughing fits. Jade Lin, incandescent with rage, hurled the lid aside. "Lu — Yuan! What, the house didn't come with a fireplace so you decided to build your own?!"

"Misunderstanding! This is absolutely a misunderstanding!" I lunged for the fire extinguisher, but yanked the safety pin out with far too much force and blasted the entire canister of dry powder all over Jade Lin's brand-new apron. She looked down at herself, coated in white powder from collar to hem, her expression cycling through fury and settling on despair. "This apron cost me twenty-nine ninety! You're replacing it!"

The fire was getting worse by the second. The plastic casing of the range hood had begun to melt, dripping sticky black rivulets down the wall. Suddenly I remembered that my meteoric iron chopping board could channel sword-qi. I grabbed the board and raised it high over the flames.

"Behold my Sword-Qi Fire Extinguishing Technique!"

End of Chapter 14: The Soy Sauce Talisman Incident